Sun sets which mirrors the haunt
Heavy eyes fall and lay on cloud
Thunder roars to lock His sound
I eat some Bread
Ticks later
I sleep
Bricks on chest, awakens me
I curl, toss, and turn
Midnight dark, please let me be
I don’t count sheep, I slowly eat the Lamb
Clocks deferred
I slumber again
No need for a beep, I awaken with choked thought
Coal trains of cycling want to keep me bought
Toes on cold, but I am told
Renew, so that is what I do
I’m better
Noonday starts to set
And wrestling matches begin
With me, with them, with the opposite of Him
Up and down and all around
But We eventually win
I breathe
With braids of blue hopefulness
Sun sets with familiar downturn
I cave and start it all again
No comment, just know
Some of the most bright eyed
Stumble, coil, and hide as they lay on their side
Don’t worry though, not all days are like this
Just some
And today was one
The last few months we have been talking about the Secret Place and more recently the difficulties of it.
The Secret Place is partially your one-on-one time with Jesus, with your Bible and perhaps journal out, and at a much deeper level, it is a life that remains in the hiddenness of the Lord. It means you dwell, abide, and stay in all of Jesus’s promises, truths, direction, and love for you—no matter what. You talk to Him at your inner core, and you do not stop. The Secret Place is by far the best place to enter and live, however, various struggles, distractions, and even depression can try and keep you locked out from it.
Depression could be holding you back from the Secret Place. No one really understands that dark pit unless they have gone through it. It’s like this black cloud that creeps in or can suddenly appear. Sometimes the darkness is pressed upon the chest, or it’s just all around. However it comes, it’s not fun. Often isolation can descend and feelings of loneliness and being stuck can arise. It is easy to just go to bed, curl up in the corner, and even feed the torment. However, if you can fight through the part of depression that wants to keep you from talking and sitting with the Lord, the darkness can lift.
When I say “sit” with the Lord, in this context, what I mean is a person wants to spend time with Jesus in the midst of the internal anguish. We are to share our cries, screams, fears, and whatever else we are going through with Jesus. I know you may think, I don’t want to spend time with Him when I feel that way, or The pain is too deep. I don’t want to think or talk about it. I hear you, but if you can move past those thoughts and spend time with Jesus, I am fully convinced that He will help you.
When I get hit with depression (yes, I get hit), I go to the Lord. Sometimes I am spiritually crawling as I lean into Jesus, but I get there. I often can’t pray in my head at this time; it is too hard to focus, so I will type or journal my prayers. Sometimes the prayers are just a word or two. If I write my prayers, even the words on the pages look weary as I at times drag the letters, words, and sentences down as I share my heart to the Lord. At times, I will draw my feelings to the Lord and it brings such healing. Poetry, as just shown, helps me process too.
Sometimes I can’t even journal or draw. In those cases, I cry to the Lord and read Psalm 91 out loud.
Regardless of how thick the depression is, I make myself read that Psalm and the depression lifts every time. After I pray, draw, journal, and/or cry to Jesus, as well as read Psalm 91, I feel better. I am filled with the Lord’s validation, direction, peace, and love. Sometimes it takes a while to come up and out, but Jesus and I eventually get there.
Solution:
1. Don’t let the depression keep you from the Lord. Go to Him, even if all you can get out is the name Jesus.
2. Put worship music on.
3. Read Psalm 91 out loud.
4. Understand that the depression could be spiritual warfare. Put on the armor of God as mentioned in March’s article.
5. Pour your heart to the Lord by the means of crying out to Him, praying, journaling, and/or doing art. Perhaps it’s even writing a song, poem, or another form of expressing your feelings to Him. Let Him love you back.
6. Text a friend or someone else to pray for you. If you do not know anyone who can pray for you (yet), know Jesus is praying for you (Hebrews 7:25). Jesus, if there is someone reading this and they do not know of anyone who would come alongside of them and pray with them, please send a Christian friend their way. Yes and amen.
7. Try to get outside. Breathe in some fresh air from God’s creation.
8. Do self-care of some kind. This could be a bubble bath, going fishing, or getting yourself a special treat.
9. Take five deep breaths and exhale. Be ever so kind and gentle to yourself as you do this.
10. Know it will pass; it will not stay this heavy forever (Psalm 126 and 1 Kings 19:4–8).
If you struggle with depression, you are not alone. Do not let it keep you from the Secret Place. Go share to the Lord your heart. You are seen, you are loved, and you are going to make it. Your friend, Ashley
